-
Obtain
a dumpster. Paint it black, weld all the covers shut except one which
can be bolted closed from the inside. Hitch it to the back of your
wife's mini van. Gather 12 friends and bolt yourselves inside and let
your wife pull it around for several weeks while she does the errands.
-
Sleep
on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain.
Six hours after you go to sleep, have your wife whip open the curtain.
shine a flashlight in your eyes, and mumble "Sorry, wrong
rack".
-
Don't
eat any food that you don't get out of a can or have to add water to.
-
Paint
all the windows on your car black. Drive around town at high speeds
with your wife standing up in the sunroof shouting course and speed
directions to you.
-
Renovate
your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your bathtub and move
the shower head down to chest level. When you take showers, make sure
you shut off the water while soaping.
-
Repeat
back everything anyone says to you.
-
Sit
in your car for six hours a day with your hands on the wheel and the
motor running, but don't go anywhere.
-
Put
lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to
"High".
-
Don't
watch T.V. except movies in the middle of the night. Also, have your
family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one. Record
The Sound of Music and show it at least every other night.
-
Don't
do your wash at home. Gather your neighbors clothes along with yours,
pick the most crowded laundromat you can find, and do the neighborhood
laundry in a single washer and dryer. Make sure that 12% of the
laundry is lost and 20% of the finished laundry is incorrectly
distributed to the wrong neighbor.
-
Leave
lawnmower running in your living room six hours a day for proper noise
level. (For Engineering Divisions)
-
Have
the paperboy give you a haircut.
-
Take
hourly readings on your electric and water meters.
-
Sleep
with your dirty laundry.
-
Invite
guests, but don't have enough food for them.
-
Buy
a broken exercise bicycle and strap it down to the floor in your
kitchen.
-
Buy
a trash compactor and use it once a week. Store up garbage in the
other side of your bathtub.
-
Wake
up every night at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
on stale bread, if anything. (Optional--canned ravioli, cold soup, or
cherry peppers)
-
Make
up your family menu a week ahead of time without looking in your food
cabinets or refrigerator.
-
Set
your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night.
When it goes off, jump out of bed and get dressed as fast as you can,
then run out into your yard and break out the garden hose.
-
Once
a month take every major appliance completely apart and then put them
back together.
-
Use
18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 5 or 6 hours
before drinking.
-
Invite
at least 85 people you don't really like to come and visit for a
couple of months.
-
Store
your eggs in your garage for two months and then cook a dozen each
morning.
-
Have
a fluorescent lamp installed on the bottom of your coffee table and
lie under it to read books.
-
Periodically
check your refrigerator compressor for "sound shorts".
-
Put
a complicated lock on your basement door and wear the key on a lanyard
around your neck.
-
Lockwire
the lugnuts on your car.
-
When
making cakes, prop up one side of the pan while it is baking. Then
spread icing really thick on one side to level off the top.
-
Every
so often, yell "Emergency Deep", run into the kitchen, and
sweep all pots/pans/dishes off of the counter onto the floor. Then,
yell at your wife for not having the place "stowed for sea".
-
Put
on the headphones from your stereo (don't plug them in). Go and stand
in front of your stove. Say (to nobody in particular)
"Stove manned and ready". Stand there for 3 or 4 hours. Say
(once again to nobody in particular) "Stove secured". Roll
up the headphone cord and put them away.
-
Write
a controlled work package to change the oil on your car.
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